Tuesday, July 23, 2013

The infamous WHAT IF

Growing up there were five things I knew I wanted to be amazing at:
1. Being a great daughter
2. Being a great wife
3. Being an amazing mother
4. Being an incredible sister
5. Being the best teacher ever

I'm still working on all of them and while I might feel like I've failed at a few, there is no bigger failure than knowing you didn't do a good job raising your kids. As a mom, there is always that big WHAT IF......

-WHAT IF I say something to them that they never forget and feel angry towards me for it?
-WHAT IF I'm so busy trying to keep up that I miss something they say to me and it breaks their heart?
-WHAT IF I can't handle one kid crying while the other demands my attention at the same time? (because today this was how it was)
-WHAT IF I'm not the amazing mother I think I should be?
-WHAT IF I raise my voice in frustration not realizing it even happened?
-WHAT IF I fail in raising great kids and end up raising messed up ones instead? (I know I'll love them no matter what- heck my mom does after all of the mess I put her through)

WHAT IF I fail? That's the real question here. It's something not all moms talk about, but with the craziness approaching that is now our lives and the overwhelming balance act that is having a newborn and a 4 year old I can't help but panic and wonder "WHAT IF?" I said I would be honest in this blog and I am going to be- please no judgement. I'm sure I sound like an awful mom with what I just asked, but there are times where you do things or say things or catch yourself doing them and think "OH MY GOD! I'm an awful mom"
You see this little pin here from Pinterest....it's truth. Not shouting that my kids are great kids, but saying in my eyes they are and behind them is a mom worried she's screwing it up. It's life...it happens- if I didn't care I wouldn't worry. But honestly, I worry more now because Coach is gone more and when he is here, he's exhausted which is expected and understandable. He does his best to jump right in, but the "Super Mom" in always tries to handle it all on her own. I'm starting to feel the pressure of needing to be a super mom who cooks, cleans, and teaches her kids (because hell I teach 22 others during the year- I should at least be able to teach Ladybug) and then the balance of wanting to make sure to support the Coach as much as possible while preparing myself for the school year. It's a crazy balance that not many people talk about out loud, but here it is people- I'm saying it. No matter what you are doing- whether it's being a mom, being a teacher, or being just you....there is always that worry of "WHAT IF?" 

Here's to hoping it turns from "WHAT IF I fail?" to "WHAT IF I rock this?"

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